Fictionkin: Saarn
My identity as Saarn is a mix between a lot of origins. I think it is spiritual, psychological, and philosophical in nature; it affects a good portion of my life, in both good and bad ways. I have memories of being her (as in, a past life), but I am also her right now, in the present (holothere).My spiritual beliefs: I believe I have been Saarn multiple times over in multiple different timelines (like a really shitty time loop); and this time, I have just managed to get into a world where no SCP Foundation, fleshcrafting, etcetera exists. The timeline I have the most memories of, I like to call the "Good Ending" timeline; it is one where Ion never perished in the first war, and Adytum became a city that started interacting with the outside world. There are other timelines, but I am only now uncovering those memories more.
My psychological beliefs are tied a lot to trauma, so I won't go too in-depth, but essentially I have experienced similar-feeling trauma as Saarn has, and so that might have made it easier to "latch onto" her as an identity.
My philosophical beliefs: characters, even in fantastical settings, are made by people to express real life events. Even in a high-fantasy magic world with dragons, wizards, literal living suns, etcetera, there will almost always be some element of a character people can connect with. Saarn, as a character, is very representative of justice; both the good and bad parts of it. Justice has also been quite the prevailing theme in my life, from being able to stand up to childhood bullies (even if only for a split second) to my mom's stories around the justice system's failings.
I think there is always a way for justice to come around, even if it is only the vague sense of thinking that someone who has wronged others will eventually no longer stand on a golden pedestal.
As mentioned before, being Saarn affects a lot of my life, my alterhumanity is no exception. I am a snake, and probably Fae, in part because I am Saarn. The snake and fae could technically count as a paratype because of this, but in actual practive they tend to be more like actual kintypes on their own (IE they can stand without the Saarn identity). A couple hearttypes also have an origin or connection in my identity as Saarn.
Otherhearted
I have a few different hearttypes, all of which are important to me on some level. They are not "lesser" kintypes to me; more or less, they a resemble a daemon-daemian relationship for me. As in, they represent a part or multiple parts of myself in some way. (As a note: I have to define it more like a daemon-daemian relationship for me, because I already view all animals as my family in some way. Particularly in relation to FUCA (First Universal Common Ancestor))Wasps: I relate to the constant demonization of wasps, they inspire fear and hate in it seems like everyone -- and for really no good reason. Just like wasps, I feel like I am far more than the assumptions people push on me. Wasps are varied, wasps are interesting; wasps are smart and creative and do good for their native ecosystems. I am also so much more than what people think I am.
Reindeer + horses: These two animals I connect with for similar feeling reasons, it is simply the source that is different. For them both, I connect them with a general sense of "home", as well as freedom, and the ability to be free. For reindeer, I associate them more with my home in Adytum. For horses, I associate them more with my ancestry and home in this life.
Whales (specifically humpbacks): Whales are an animal I've found a bit difficult to define my closeness too in life, as I've never even lived near the ocean. Even now, I still struggle to put my connection to them into words. I think, generally, it is the sense of "awe"; their size and intelligence, that I think makes me connect with them so well.
Sharks (specifically great whites): I attached to sharks far before I did wasps, but it was for similar reasons. They're misunderstood (mainly because of a book and movie that the author later regretted), despite how much good they do to their local ecosystems. And, like wasps as well, they are far more diverse than people think they are!
Plural-aligned
I call myself "plural-aligned"; I am not exactly a "true" plural, but I have experiences that could be recognizable in some ways to some plural people. Specifically, I like using the terms soulbonding (of the psychological variety) and multiself (note: I disagree with the main ideas expressed in radqueer ideology, I simply find multiself the easiest term to use). I cannot switch with any of my co-workers ("headmates"), and so in order for them to interact with the outside world, they have to do it through me.On the soulbonding side, my soulbonds are autonomous characters and psychological in origin (munbonds); IE they are most like the "living characters" mentioned commonly with older soulbonding. My soulbonds go through what I like to call "milestones" (1, they're not separate entities; 2, they become separate but lack a lot of character; 3, they are fully separate people). It can take years for my soulbonds to develop fully on their own.
On the multiself side, it is a bit harder to understand. But to give an example, D'endrrah (my daemon) falls under this multiself umbrella; she is an aspect of me, and specifically an "embodiment" of stories and my love of stories. She helps me think through ideas for my stories, and has helped developed my daydreams way further than I usually intend them to go. To give another example, "John", the "embodiment" of my physical pain; when I am/my body is hurting or in pain, "John" starts screaming to attract my attention (since I dissociate often and may not feel the pain until it is already too late). I'd say I have a revolving multiself structure, where I am the "anchor"; although it could also be said that my body is more of the anchor.
As a final note: remember when I mentioned how I have been Saarn multiple times over? Well, that could be affecting me on the plural spectrum as well. I won't spend too much time rambling about it, but essentially as I uncover more memories I feel sort of like I am an ice lake being walked on -- the more I uncover, the more I "crack". All the different timelines I've been in could end up being too much for my brain to handle at once (and so may change me into something like a median system).
The Fairfriend's Co-workers
Not everyone is listed here. Some soulbonds especially prefer not interacting with the outside world.Saint Hedwig: She/Her (capitalized), it/its; munbond, a robotic spider AI hive mind. Legate Trunnion: she/her, shi/hir; munbond, a steam-powered android (with a Fae symbiote). Both of them have their own extended introductions here.
D'endrrah: she/her (but she also doesn't care too much); my daemon, she prefers taking the forms of the emerald cockroach wasp and forest reindeer, but she also takes any of my hearttypes! As mentioned before she is my embodiment of stories.
The Conductor: she/her, it/its (?), I actually know jack about her because she doesn't talk at all. It is a steam-powered robot (very similar to Trunnion) and, well, conducts the Train. Embodiment of dissociation.
"John": it/its, again very little is known about it. It seems connected to my physical body and screams whenever I'm in pain. It is a giant living fleshy ball of meat and viscera. Embodiment of physical pains.